stop and crush*

*gosh*
it was the 2oth of june when our professor attended
our literature class..Ö
our orientation was pretty different then.
we had to write a few info about us,
and then share it with a partner.
they will write 3questions, we answer.
and then, i started the orientation infront.
*pssh* so much for not always be the first.

so anyway, it was when one guy stood infront.
an archi 3rd year class.. he mentioned the questions
he asked his pair: "are you still a virgin?"
the answer: YES.
every guy jeered at his pair,
sitting at the back row in the middle.
i turned to look at his face, he is handsome.
*blushes*
then mentioned the other questions to him.
and HE's TAKEN. so much for the dreaming, eh?
ANYHOW. so he's handsome. not quite tall.
but, i still took note of his name.
james lopez.♥

and then yesterday, 27th. our second meeting. ^^
i sat on my usual seat during lit1n,
1st row. corner seat, next to the window.
while all the other, OLDER guys took the back row.
our professor came in, and this lopez guy came in.
rushing to the nearest seat he can grab as fast
and sat on the first row. 3seats from mine.

just when i thought i was lucky,
i then became LUCKIER. ^^ *rawr*
the professor asked him to transfer next to my seat
and then told the others to occupy the rest of the chairs
in the front row. *lucky, eh? :]
during class. i took note of some little details about him.
funny. active in class. responsible
[for being able to bring all the assignments],
handsome (AGAIN.) and kind and loyal to his gf.

the class was not as boring as i thought it'd be.
and our professor is a bit green. so the archi guys were all active.
he asked me about the section of the class we're in.[arch35]
then.. when our profess was telling us the story of eve.
who came not from adam's rib but from satan's horn.
and his proofs were:
#1 that's why eve was able to talk to the serpent
#2 that's why eve was the 1st to commit the sin.

and then lopez guy said: "kaya pala tukso ang mga babae~!"
every one laughed. it was funny, and yet quite true.
so our professor added it to the proofs then saying,
"now, take a look around you. your girl classmates who are devilishly delicious-looking" *lolx*
lopez guy looked around covering his eyes and saying,
"ayoko sir. baka mainlab ako~‼" *giggles*
FUNNY, very funny~Ü
and before the class ended, he asked me about the assignment.
*gosh* my mind went floating after that~♥ *giggles*

PS: i know his name. full name. but to be safe, i'd rather not write it here. ^^v
let's call him-- LG.

chingu~‼ ö

new friends.
kim ye lee [aka: nicole]
kwon jing [aka: jane]
(i wish i spelled jane's chinese name right..) ^^'

anyhow.
they've been the two first persons
to actually communicate to me on our first day.
one korean. one chinese.
cewl, eh? they're fun to be with.

since they are my classmates on
the 3 majors that i'm taking--
i'm spending most of my class hours with them.

and then, my 2subjects left~
well.. let's just say i'm a loner at those times.
and idc. being with old archi students are creepy.
*hahaha~ xD
they're thoughts aren't coherent to mine.
so they creep me out.Ö

*SIGH*
so much for these nonsense talk.
i'm just happy to be around them,
specially ye lee. i like koreans, remember? :]♥

crushing~

so you'd probably think i'm breaking into pieces
because of my all-time depression.
and~ maybe you're right.

but, for now.
i just want to focus on things i can control.
of things i knew i got hold of.. my thoughts.
fine~‼ *control in some ways.

and i'm currently 'crushing' on some guys.
[now you get what my title meant]
*giggles*

Ryo Nishikido
november 3, 1984
24 years old

i only saw him at 1liter of tears.
seeing his face, it looked familiar.
it's just now that i realize
he's also starring in death note.

anyway~ he's so handsome. and his role at
one liter of tears makes me crush on him more~‼♥
he reminds me of someone.
although, he's way better. [ideally]
*hahahah~ xD

and then, there's the other guy.
*drools*~♥

Kim Ki Bum
august 21, 1987
21 years old

kyaaaaaaaa~‼
i first encountered him two years ago.
my sister, [not blood sister], prinsesa ai
is crushing on him.
and labelling him 'hers'
i had no choice but to give up.
while she gave way for lee jun ki to me. ^^

isn't he adorable?
but now that he's on Philippine television due
to Boys over flowers,
[which *clears throat* i already knew last february--
even before having the commericals/advertisements of BOF shown]
*pssh*~ girls are all over for him.
damn it*

anyway~ crushing crushing.
*giggles*♥^^

ps: still breaking....

to my limits

the 14th~ mornight.

and i was pushed to my limit--you know what?
the hardest part of living my life is being his daughter.
*pssh*

it was hell trying to bear all the painful criticisms
i receive EVER SINCE.. & i've been putting SO MUCH EFFORT
trying to keep up with him, giving him all the second chances~

but last mornight--he's getting overboard.
WAY TOO OVER..

if he feels like he's unlucky for having me as his daughter--
well then, he should know that
i've been living in hell trying to be his daughter.

UGH* so i sound evil..as always.
don't take it wrong, i'm not aya.
and i'll continue protecting her until forever ends.

TIRED. x| [in tagalog]

ang tanong:
ANO BA TALAGA AKO SAINYU??Ö

bakit ba gustung.gusto niyo kong nipahihirapan mag.isip?

madali naman akong deretsuhin aa~
nang hindi naman ako nagmumukhang t*nga na napaparanoid lang sa background niyo?

kaibigan niyo ba talaga ko?
TSSS* ayan na naman kayo--
walang magawa kundi lokohin at paglihiman ako. ba't pa kasi di nalang ako deretsuhin ee~

nakakasawa't nakakapagod naman kayo~
nagsasawa narin ako sa buhay ko.
pambihira*

am i really stupid?

am i really stupid~
holding on to such impossible hopes?
well--i don't care.

as long as i continue to believe,
the chance will always be there.
right, boo? ^^♥

okay~ so it was summer2oo8 when i started to believe in Boo.
i got him dec2oo7. and i loved him from then~
but, it was only that summer,
when i started believing that he'll change.
he'll become human, for me--

so that sounds crazy. IDC.Ö
s'long as i believe..

and when i meet his human form,
i'd be so happy. we'd be so inlove.
and forever be together..
*sigh*

so inlove. and just this summer,
i dreamt of his human form again. twice now.
so all in all, i've been meeting him 3x.

such hopes. such beliefs.
i'll keep waiting......♥

HIGH.DROWN [part o.4]

h~"it was like walking into a four-wall gallery room--quiet, blank, empty.
and then pictures emerged on the vast walls; showing me the difference of
noticing, liking and loving~"

so we were exhchanging text messages asking him
like he was on some hot seat. so when i asked him about my bestfriend,
and he said, it's nothing. he just thought she was cute,
and it's a different thing from liking or anything--
i honestly felt relieved. it wasn't really a good news, nor bad for me.
because i knew, even if it isn't her--
he'd never like me, not even notice me.

i am contented with our friendship *wait*
i'm more than contented--i am grateful & i had no plans of risking it
or putting it to end. so we continued with more questions.
until such time that i have filled in the blanks in my head.
he was inlove with someone, someone very close to him--and i wasn't even jealous.

and then the topic swayed to me.
him telling me to save myself from the *disturbia* of keeping
my feelings to myself.
i explained my side, telling him that admitting to "the guy" would
somehow lessen my stress. but it would add up to his~
and i didn't want to put that on him. he shouldn't be bothered.
it was i who fell--so i should pay the consequence..
but he still didn't agree saying that it's the guy's problem when he learns.
atleast, i wouldn't be bothered by it day & night.
i, of course, still didn't agree..

OPEN LETTER to PJ

"if there are words that are best left unsaid~
well, you should know. there are things best left undone."

and if you are wondering who am i pertaining to?
well--let's just say, it is connected to me.

let me just put it all out*
OKAY? 'cause imma burst to nothingness if i just keep it to myself.

an open letter,

To a GUY[pj].

i have talked to you about this before.
don't just let her go hanging on to you like she has a chance.
these things you do keeps her hopes up.
makes her lie to us every single day~

although, she can't do it to me--she tries.
but let's just say, she can't fool me.

i told you~ and now i'm telling it to you straight forward,
you know we can't stop her.
even if we try, she'll just act up against us even more.

so now, i am coming to you.
'cause even if you don't mean to--you're leading her on.
the more you become closer to her,
the more you blur the lines and limiutations.

you already know she likes you.
and even if she denies it now, or that she told you she stopped.
THINK AGAIN~ do you think a girl would act like that
if she doesn't like you anymore?
do you think she'd lie to us, and put up more excuses just
to see you?
OPEN YOUR EYES.

i know you're not cruel. but you have to be,
if you want to clearly draw the lines between you two.
UNLESS~ you like her now.
[although. i remember you telling me you're not easy to fall]

SO~ *exhales heavily*
that's about it. i wish you got it.

NEKOboiiSSS~ ♥_♥

i was asked to sit and wait for my name to be called inside
the IARFA office at the 8th floor of Tech Bldg. for my interview with the dean.. so i sat patiently.

i had nothing to do but stare.
although i wouldn't~ because i'd look so stupid if i do that.
so i just looked around and study my surroundings.

i notice one guy in a blue shirt (if i can remember correctly).
he looked small sitting down a few people before me.
he's handsome~ but he's small.

then, i saw a guy from outside the office who just came out
from the elevator. he's appealing, but.. he seemed too vain.ö
so, i passed. until he came inside the room.
and then he was asked to sit right next to me.

another guy caught my attention.
a real NEKOBOII. fair complexion. chinky eyes. straight nose. & M-lips. ahahahaha xD
he was really handsome. and he was tall too.
*i couldn't take off my eyes on him*
his surname? SANTOS. a transferee from UST-architecture.
*giggles*

okaaaay~ i got lost.
hang. lag. whatever. i lost it.
while getting really nervous before having my interview,
i'm drowning in the midst of nekoboiis~♥


then the dean's door openned, and i was called in--*whew*