f v c k y o u a n x i e t y

i honestly don't know how m'gonna go about this.

but m'just gonna let the words flow while m'still able to write.

i've been a sad kid growing up.

that is an understatement. BUT. i've learned to live with it.

how to function and go about life.

i've learned to appreciate the simple joys of life.

depressed.

but still hopeful.

but march of this year. i had an anxiety attack.

i didn't know that it was that.

and come half of the year. it started to occur more and more.

these days. it's paralyzing.

i can't function. i can't think straight. i can't sit still.

i can't breathe.

at first it was pain from the past that triggered it.

now it's just happens out of nothing.

WHICH IS STUPID.

because since the year came in..

i've wished and prayed for nothing but to be better.

and feel better. and do better.

but this anxiety is just crazy.

and i don't want to be drug dependent just to stay calm

i know it works for most but i feel like it's just a topical treatment.

like a band aid solution.

i believe that the root cause must be targeted and resolved

for me to achieve peace. in my mind. in my heart.

see how m'so aware of this?

and yet when it happens i lost all my sh*t.

that's why i say it's stupid.

this is not me.

and this is not how the rest of my life is going to be.

so FVCK YOU ANXIETY.

m'gonna be fvcking better sooner or later.

turns two 5's into 1

i miss how

1 1 2 2 1 1 1 1

makes our ten into one.

h o m e

this is where i live.

but this is not my home.

it took me a while

sorry.

but i didnt have the strength to write.

to move. but i was trying. constantly trying.

anxiety. i had plenty of panic attacks.

now.

m'doing things anew.

but still i long for you.

i miss you, j.

sorry i took me a while to write.