a haircut gone wrong

i had my haircut last night.
and it's bad......or wait.
should i say~ worst?
right. perfect.


ugh*
i so hate him/her.
that fag~

"i could've stolen the scissors from his hands
and then use it to cut his throat.. "

ugh*
i feel BALD.
ugh* no words could ever make me
say how much i feel bad about myself now.
now more than ever~!!

HIGH.DROWN [part o.1]

"and just when i thought i was high, i fell hard.
drowning in no water. torturing my ever sore body--
nearly dying but never came to death."


how unfortunate.

i didn't even realize, i had moved on from prinxipe.
never in my wildest dream have i thought that i'd be able to.
but everyone hoped for it, even i.

but honestly, i didn't want to.
because i was afraid.
afraid of things that might happen next.

i didn't want to face the present.
i was contented to what i had-slash-never had in my past.
i was afraid i'd end up broken again.

and, yes. i am very unfortunate.
for when i finally realized i had moved on.
the person who unconciously helped me, had the gravity.
the pull--the power.
and i, the stupid, fell for him.

it could've been fine. we'd be friends.
i'll keep it to me. no one would have to know
until the feeling fades away..

but life isn't fair. death will be.
and before we come to that, we have to suffer.
we all have to feel the pain--and now i am.

he likes someone. he just recently liked someone.
someone i know--know very well. someone, i, too love.
my bestfriend.

....................

missed me? much.

*gosh*
it's been a while, eh? anyway, i'm currently on LAG right now.
so, don't expect to get a sensible article from me today.
*giggles*

this past 2 nights, we went to the 'perya'.
since it's just across the street from our subdivision,
plus my kuji's friends are going--
we decided to go with them. for safety purposes.
oh! and fun too.
[of course it wouldn't be fun if you're quite alone in the middle of a mob]

so anyway, there we went.
but we weren't ab;e to enjoy the rides or anything.
we just wander around and ate the nights away~
despite the fact that i wasn't able
to enter that haunted castle
[that warns people who have "weaked" heart to not enter]
and that superbly dangerous and scary ferris wheel,
i honestly had fun. a llot more fun than what i expected
because kuji's friends are all goofy and funny~

okay. so i admit.
i had fun because of some particulars.
but i don't want to elaborate on such.
people might read this~
and who knows where i end. ^^

so anyway, yesternight was the last night.
and around quarter to 1am,
my sister and i had to go home or else~
and we had japhet walk us home.
but i didn't talk to him.
i was very shy---as always.
it was my sister who talked to him all the way home.

so that's it.
*blushes*

*deleted*

okay. so i got deleted by 'prinxipe' again at FS
for like what, the n^th time?
[pssh* how come this letter still strikes me at some point?]
*sigh*

the 1^st time i was deleted.
i honestly got furious. then realized i had

no reason to be mad at him.
i was no one. so i ended up confused.
why should he bother to delete me?
[oh. pure annoyance. right.]

after some time, i added him up.
he accepted. felt good.
but then again,
the 2^nd and 3^rd time
he deleted me came through.

now, he did it.
i don't know. it feels normal. like a routine.
believing that in time, he'll accept me again.
[or is it false hopes?] *pssh~

or maybe,
i've just accepted what i truly am for him.
nothing more than a stranger.
a no one who would comment or message him up
for something nonsense.
*sigh*
oh yes. maybe that is what i really am to him..

am i gonna cry?
hmmmmmm.. i wonder.
not now. no tears.
maybe, i'll save it for a little later~

but i'm sad.
[like sadness isn't a routinary thing, eh?]

i mourned.

~oh yes.

i celebrated that day, that painful night.

last 27th, i went out with jell.

i had to say an alibi--which was quite true.

but i didn't mean to tell

why i really wanted to go out.

around 6pm, i made my walk.

i mourned for the death of my heart..

i needed to feel something else.

aside from the overwhelming love and pain

that was flooding in me.

i went for a walk across roads.

yes. the adrenaline rush that came into me

whenever a car drives past me.

so near that my skin is just an inch from each car.

*it was nice.

dangerous, yet relieveing.

[here's a picture taken when i got back home]