where do i start?

i feel like every day is another step away from you..
why are you leaving?
i'm so lost i don't know where to start..

you promised never to leave me.
but why are you stepping away from me?

you've changed a lot that it's hard to recognize the bestfriend i have..

*are you still there?*
the busmate i'd gladly share my zagu with.
the super friend who laughs when i cry.
the guy who's always feeling hot but lets me sleep on his shoulders.

i so miss my doodle.dö~
where are you?

i feel so alone.
where do i start? tell me~
i'm so lost..

updates anyone?

since it's already 2o1o, even though my life hasn't changed bigtime,
i decided to update my blog's face.ö

okay~ i know it looks girly-girly, but hey*
i just want to accentuate it with my profile pic.
*wait~ did i spell it correctly?

anyhow.
i'm currently busy multi-tasking--
doing 2paperbag designs,blogging here, facebooking,
playing 'plants VS zombies' and.... thinking.

*gosh*
i'm so damn busy.
and in less than an hour, i'll be having my colthe class.
but ofcourse i'll only be doing my anatomy and drawfun plates :]
*giggles*

anyway, in time i'll be able to change my banner here.
expect a girly one. hahahaha *sigh*


PS: i miss my doodle.dö~

i can't believe this~

wasn't it enough to have experienced it once?
what? will i be experiencing one every year from now on?

i can't believe this..
this is too much to handle.

why? T^T why do i have to go through this again?
i thought t'was all over--i thought i wouldn't be in this situation.
but it's all happening..

i closed my eyes in disbelief and opened it only to find it was all real.
*DAMN~ i'm no superhuman to surpass all this.
my all-broken heart shook. the broken pieces shattered and fell.
i ain't well yet. can't i at least have a break?

it's not like i'm inlove with him~
no. it's not. this is different.
he's my best friend for Pete's sake!
but why is it happening to us?
i'm of no importance to him, i knew that a long time ago.
but we were once super close. we were super ok together.

t'was was painful enough that i waited for more than two hours just so we could spend a little time and traffic together on our trip back home~ while he couldn't wait for my reply in 2o minutes.
but i let it slip away 'cause he said he had to do A LOT OF THINGS.
i get it. i care too much for him that i decided to let it go.

but, t'was too much to come home and see him with someone else. waiting with someone else. he was too busy to wait for my reply for 2ominutes, but not to busy to accompany someone else's bestfriend. *damn~
and to think they're not really friends-friends.

but what tops everything else, is that he wasn't too busy to eat with her.
and when i asked him, how could he not wait for his bestfriend, i got "it's your fault you waited".. *fine! i know t'was my choice to wait.

and to realize that you're his bestfriend and you're not so important to him is painful. really~ plus the fact that your friend, not his, is more important, DAMN*
~i should've gone away a little sooner.

why can't they see what they're doing to me?
does anyone care i exist? i know i'm not human, but i do have feelings..
did i ever hurt them to this extent that i deserve this?

can i die now? T^T
why do i have to ask, i'm worthless anyway..