Lesson No. 1: Acceptance

this is probably, one of those things that i need to learn.
although, i do know that i am very much like a SPONGE.
 i suck in everything.
our only difference is—that i can't filter.
 i take in everything.

and yes, m'bad with compliments or affirmations.
 WHAT? all my life i don't know how to accept or even react "normal" when given a compliment..
i always think that people are making fun of me when they do~
and i feel embarrassed when people do.
 no pun intended. it's just me.

hello yellow

this is just another random post.

i wish i could tell you everything that happened yesterday,

but i don't think it's the right time.

plus, it isn't just my story to tell.

but i am happy, very much,

of how things are turning out.

it may be very challenging and depressing at times,

but m'getting through it, we're getting through it.

*this photo was taken october of last year—missing mi short bangs*

if i lay here,

if i just lay here,

will you lie with me
and just forget the world..

honesty

and so i told him,
about him.

warm and good nights

last night,

tonight,

and for the rest of the nights,

m'wearing you.

BLOG #3: Of Real Beauty and Fallacies

“More than Perfection”

           

            What is beauty? Let’s see. Beautiful eyes, straight nose, pouty lips, perfect hair, skinny, tall, full bust, fair and flawless skin, slender limbs, and the coca-cola figure—WAIT. Those features, they don’t even exist in one body (unless it’s a “Thank you Dra. Vicky Belo” product).

And I blame the media for corrupting us.

            A lady in two-piece; flaunting her ever-so-perfect body—or so we think? This image of her, is a big fat fallacy. A corrupted idea that is being installed in the minds of everyone. So, I have decided to draw reality with those bold, black lines. A lady, with freckles on her face, a slightly flat nose, messy hair, just-enough bust and a curvier and healthier figure. And at the right part of the poster, I wrote: “What makes you less perfect, makes you perfect.”

Because that is the truth.

            Media; the ever-so-powerful system that should’ve been the teacher to everyone, has failed greatly. I was ignorant of these things when I was younger. But as time passed, I have seen, the way they exploit women in tv: wearing heavy make-up and skimpy clothes to accessorize and emphasize their surgically-enhanced faces and figures. And thus, rather than empowering the minds of women, it discourages them. It makes them believe that what’s imperfect is ugly. It breaks their confidence, their self-esteem.

“Beautiful people get it better.”

            I once encountered this depressing quote from the movie “Beastly”. The sad truth. But we have to break it. We have to remove it from our system. Women should be able to accept and overcome their flaws—their insecurities. Wear them proud. A perfect physique doesn’t make a person perfect. How we carry ourselves builds true beauty. And, cliché as it sounds, but it’s really what’s inside that makes us beautiful.

Disclaimer:

This entry is definitely not written by me— beauty talk? self-esteem? empowerment?

SO NOT ME.

haiku of the disturbed silent

my brain is empty,

have i no words to speak out,

yet i need be heard.

BLOG #1.2: One More Try??

Foreword

            I was already in line for the tickets, and I still didn’t know what movie I was going to watch. Initially, I was hoping to see “Thy Womb”. I thought it was worth the money I was going to shed off and the efforts I was to exert for a blog. Unfortunately, this mall wasn’t showing it—so I had to go over the options they offered. There is no way I’m watching and doing a movie critic for the always so disappointing “Shake Rattle & Roll” nor the Enteng-Agimat film, and especially not “Sisterakas”. And then, there’s “El Presidente”; I must admit my apathy for history so it was out of the options. I ended up watching “One More Try”. And here goes my insights.

The story goes around 2couples—Edward & Jacq, a happily married and well-off couple who still haven’t had a child of their own, and Grace and Tristan, a happy and loving couple. Edward had an affair with Grace years before when he went to Baguio and got her knocked up unknowingly. Grace lived a happy and contented life raising Buchoy (not sure if I got his name down) on her own, until they learned of his life threatening disease—some sort of rare case of anemia. It was then that she decided to let Edward know. He was not a match for the bone marrow transplant so the last option was laid out: to have another baby. It would’ve been easy if both weren’t happily in their seperate relationships. Jacq was totally against the idea of lending her husband as well as Tristan accepting her girlfriend doing it with another man. The scientific way to “copulate” was not working out so the doctor was highly recommending doing it the natural way, which is to have a sexual intercourse. In our society, this topic is sensitive and considering it is quite impossible since most Filipinos are Christian (or is it Catholic?) and we have a conservative nation (or are we really still?). Over time, the kid got worse which led Grace to plead for a chance. It was unsuccessful and Jacq was not considering of having them do it again. Until the kid’s condition was worsening along with the marriage of Edward and Jacq falling apart and Grace breaking up with Tristan. Jacq then had to go to Singapore for work and Edward decided to spend more time with his kid in Baguio. After the birthday party of their son, Edward and Grace celebrated and then fought, and then made love. This time Grace got pregnant, and the day she told Edward, was also the day when Jacq learned of it and sought for her. The usual hair-pulling and pushing cat fight happened when she found her crossing the road. Grace did not get hit by a car, (I’m so thankful of a new twist), thus she hit herself on a small pole directly to her stomach. She started bleeding and it wqs only then when Jacq stopped hurting her. And since Filipinos are so very fond of happy-ending stories, shortcut: baby was alive and they all reconciled after some time. Years later, they all met up in Baguio, Jacq finally got pregnant again, a baby Vernon was keeping his brother Buchoy alive. The End.    

Conclusion

            And yes, I am not a fan of happy-ending stories so I was quite disappointed when the film ended. But I guess it is within our culture to be always happy and optimistic that’s why they came up with that cheesy ending. Filipinos are very religious and most of the time, it is portrayed in films like this. That is why I was quite expecting to see them crying and desperate at some church for resolution—and I’m so thankful I have seen none. But there were a lot of “emoting” scenes that I find a little unnecessary.

            I think there were several symbolic events or things were shown in the film. Like when the 2 female characters first reconciled, it was Christmas (or almost at east). This time of the year is often used in films for the resolution of problems & reconciliation of characters since it is said to be the season of “giving and forgiving”.  Also, the story of Ibong Adarna, a Filipino folklore, was often being read by Grace to her son as a bedtime story. It symbolizes and emphasizes her willingness to do anything and everything to save the life of her son just like what the last prince did for his sick father. Also, the clothes of the characters were representing their social classes and characteristics: Jacq was almost always dressed up in business attire with her hair smoothly combed in place, showing her career oriented lifestyle, while Grace would be wearing chill, easy, breezy and simple dressed down clothes with her bed-head looking hair to show her carefree lifestyle. Then Edward is always very sleek and clean looking showing his well-off life while Tristan would be as dressed down like Grace, almost messy in a way to show his relaxed life as a sculptor in Baguio,

            Now, let’s tackle the characters and their cliché roles: Grace, a typical single mom, who would do anything, even sell her soul to the devil just to save her son. Then, there’s Jacq, a typical housewife who would do everything for her family, and who would always give in for her husband and her marriage. And then there is Edward, a guy who doesn’t exist in real life (Hah, a very bias opinion there). And last but not the least, Tristan, a typical jealous, protective and loving boyfriend, who would end up drinking his problems away.

            Anyway, I think the movie is an okay-OKAY movie for me. It wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t really good—something I have already expected from the typical drama-romantic love story for the typical hopeless-romantic Filipino audience.

5 and counting...

YES.

i now have 5 piercings on my left ear :3

i actually got the 2 additional last december of 2o12,

on our last day of classes..haha~

before the month of january ends,

i may have 3 more or 5 (if i can endure the pain)

so that by february (or march?)

i can have my ear sewn..

- - - - - - - - - - 

YES.

Confrontations and Early Signs of Tendencies

I have memories from my childhood, which sometimes feel surreal. Yet I know in my heart they truly happened. Because whenever I close my eyes, I just don't see the scene, the feeling floods back too.

I remember back in kindergarten, I don't know what happened in most of the days I spent in school except for one extra-ordinary day. (I was like, what, 5?) We were inside the classroom, and our teacher was out for a while. A boy named Raymond, who was popular with the others, came up to me and handed me a drawing. It was a portrait of a lady—a princess, maybe, on a sheet of a grade1 paper. She was facing one side (I think it was left) blowing a kiss, with her eyes closed, both her hands in front of her pouted lips and her blonde hair flowing to the other side. There was a huge heart at the left part, and if I am remembering it correctly, there was a kiss mark.

I was annoyed. He said he drew it for me. He said that was me. And I was all-the-more annoyed because he was brightly smiling with flushed cheeks. I took the drawing from his hand. But what I did next, I can never explain why.

I stood up from my seat, crumpled the drawing, and threw it in the trash bin. Yes, I was brutally cruel—and I can't remember why I did it. (Hah~) Anyway, I remember casually walking back to my seat like nothing happened.

That's not the climax yet. You see, after a short while, another boy came up to me. (And I I remember correctly, it was a Dustin? Or was it Justin?) And he started lashing out. I cried. And to my surprise, I realized he was so mad at me because I threw Raymond's drawing. He said I wasted all the efforts Raymond put into that drawing—what the heck, right? We were in kindergarten, for crying out loud!! We were 5—He was 5?! What's wrong with him. (Who knew gay symptoms could show as early as 5?!)

Anyway, we were both crying when our teacher came back. She asked us what's wrong and I'm pretty sure there was a little anger in her tone. J/Dustin talked. I explained my side, I said, the drawing was already mine, Raymond gave it to me, so whatever I do with it, it's fine. Plus, he has nothing to do with it; he shouldn't be concerned at all. Funny, how I can remember my tone when I said those words. I was reaching my limit at that time, t that age. Hah~

Anyway, Raymond was also sad that day. I must've broken his poor, innocent heart. That's probably why I don't have further memories with him. Because he hated me after that day~

FUNNY, right?

Have I always been incapable to accepting or reacting civil to confessions?

The answer, YES.