rest day off

i was planning to visit a mall today, stop by at the BDO to put up my savings account they go shop a little and then just do my laundry tomorrow. however, i woke up late today [2:30pm] how's that dor a giidmorning subshine~ ^^'although, i honestly missed waking up that late. coz ever since i officially started working, i always needed to wake up early. haha~ xD
anyway, yoday, sonce it's late. i've decided to do my laundry & nail art first. i'll just go to the mall tomorrow. *sigh* i'll write to you soon. bye for now! :]

m'so glad to be back

OMG* a lot has happened.
seriously..now that i can remember my login username and password, imma be able to update you real soon!
HURRAY~! anyway, latest update? m'so not unempliyed anymore. *smug* haha xD
i'll post something once i get on a proper desktop coz right now--m'just using itouch *pssh.
i'll be back. 악솤해~

untitled

is this the first time that i can't think of a title for an entry?
sorry~ i just don't know how to focus.
i have loads of stuff in my hand, tons of ideas in my head.
but so little time. then top that with my financial instability
UGH~ so frustrating ~~'

i have photographs to edit. photoshoots to plan.
plus, i have to continue on my job hunt and land in the best paying job i can get.ö
also, i have to LOVE that job.

anyway.. i hope to be able to update on you soon.
if i have good news. (or even bad) i hope to be able to surf the net and share my experiences here.. but for now. NOT NOW~

i'm super sorry

i'm super sorry blog~
i haven't been able to surf the net to update on you..
a lot has happened.
a lot has changed..

unfortunately, i won't be able to attend school again.
and i think it'll be it for the whole year..
so i really REALLY have to HAVE a job. :

it's okay~ it's gonna be okay, right?
*sigh*
atleast i may be able to earn my own money.
atleast get myself some braces or an SLR of my own..

*deep sigh*
ofcourse it's sad.
i do want to be at school.
i am good at school compared to most regular students.
i struggle hard to get really good grades.
but life's like this.

ANYWAY~
maybe, i won't be able to finish my studies here.
migration plans *shhh~

update on you next time.
(although idk when that is)

today is one year later,

and i'm proud to say that i'm better.. ^^

i can't tell you that i'm feeling really, really good,
'cause that would make me a liar,
BUT. atleast it's better than what i used to few months back.

t'was a year ago,
my alipin's birthday. the 1st jellycee reunion.
and i tagged along two of the most special guys:
baby [rotsen] & doodle.dö [japhet].
i was having the night of my summer~

but then, it all down the drain when we were on our way home.
~~ *sigh* no need to detail it down.
but t'was why i started writing the HiDH.DRoWN..
*hahahaha~ xD

ANYWAYS.
imma end it here and now :]
i'm getting better~ and will get better than ever. ^^
*haha~

missing my 1one & only korean bestfriend,,

i've met a few koreans since i got into college..

but, ye lee is the first korean that has gotten close to me..

she's so funny because she did see me as a bestfriend early on

while i considered her to my closest friends..

but now,

we are indeed bestfriends. :]♥

last 25th of march, she left for korea.

and ofcourse, i wanted to accompany her to the airport

so i tagged along justine erika & lub[mark]..

here are some pics taken *nyiee~♥

inside her bedroom-mark, just, ye lee, erika

[i took the pic]

inside the taxi -erika, just, me♥ & ye lee

in the airport-me♥, yelee, erika & just

in the airport, again~ aww* m'sad.

on our way back to manila~

*SIGH*

better than ever

i never thought i'd get any better than what i was yesterday..
they're right, tomorrow is another day.

look at this ^^ *grins*


although i'm not very proud of my 2.o in mechdraw..
still, i'm striving to ALWAYS get a grade in range of 1~
^^'

i hate the distance

*eish

i can't surf the net at home..
and i hate the distance growing between you and me.

my blog is flooded with my open letters for you

and to think that i shouldn't be worried too much about you
'cause i've got a lot of bigger problems..

*like how am i supposed to get myself enrolled next school year
*what should i do to stop my mom from flying to NY
*how do i get you-know-who out of our house

UGH~
i'm losing my focus coz of you
*sigh*
why is it that losing your bestfriend makes you feel 1ox worse than getting rejected by your loved one?
eh* can someone tell me?

you'll know when i'm falling,

'cause if that ever happens..
i'll leave on my own~

so please don't leave me now.
beause i need you here by my side.
i need you so i can be strong.
because i'm not yet ready.

because, honestly,

i still love him.
and you know you're the only one who knows what i really feel.
and whenever i'm next to you,
i forget about him..

so don't leave me..

where do i start?

i feel like every day is another step away from you..
why are you leaving?
i'm so lost i don't know where to start..

you promised never to leave me.
but why are you stepping away from me?

you've changed a lot that it's hard to recognize the bestfriend i have..

*are you still there?*
the busmate i'd gladly share my zagu with.
the super friend who laughs when i cry.
the guy who's always feeling hot but lets me sleep on his shoulders.

i so miss my doodle.dö~
where are you?

i feel so alone.
where do i start? tell me~
i'm so lost..

updates anyone?

since it's already 2o1o, even though my life hasn't changed bigtime,
i decided to update my blog's face.ö

okay~ i know it looks girly-girly, but hey*
i just want to accentuate it with my profile pic.
*wait~ did i spell it correctly?

anyhow.
i'm currently busy multi-tasking--
doing 2paperbag designs,blogging here, facebooking,
playing 'plants VS zombies' and.... thinking.

*gosh*
i'm so damn busy.
and in less than an hour, i'll be having my colthe class.
but ofcourse i'll only be doing my anatomy and drawfun plates :]
*giggles*

anyway, in time i'll be able to change my banner here.
expect a girly one. hahahaha *sigh*


PS: i miss my doodle.dö~

i can't believe this~

wasn't it enough to have experienced it once?
what? will i be experiencing one every year from now on?

i can't believe this..
this is too much to handle.

why? T^T why do i have to go through this again?
i thought t'was all over--i thought i wouldn't be in this situation.
but it's all happening..

i closed my eyes in disbelief and opened it only to find it was all real.
*DAMN~ i'm no superhuman to surpass all this.
my all-broken heart shook. the broken pieces shattered and fell.
i ain't well yet. can't i at least have a break?

it's not like i'm inlove with him~
no. it's not. this is different.
he's my best friend for Pete's sake!
but why is it happening to us?
i'm of no importance to him, i knew that a long time ago.
but we were once super close. we were super ok together.

t'was was painful enough that i waited for more than two hours just so we could spend a little time and traffic together on our trip back home~ while he couldn't wait for my reply in 2o minutes.
but i let it slip away 'cause he said he had to do A LOT OF THINGS.
i get it. i care too much for him that i decided to let it go.

but, t'was too much to come home and see him with someone else. waiting with someone else. he was too busy to wait for my reply for 2ominutes, but not to busy to accompany someone else's bestfriend. *damn~
and to think they're not really friends-friends.

but what tops everything else, is that he wasn't too busy to eat with her.
and when i asked him, how could he not wait for his bestfriend, i got "it's your fault you waited".. *fine! i know t'was my choice to wait.

and to realize that you're his bestfriend and you're not so important to him is painful. really~ plus the fact that your friend, not his, is more important, DAMN*
~i should've gone away a little sooner.

why can't they see what they're doing to me?
does anyone care i exist? i know i'm not human, but i do have feelings..
did i ever hurt them to this extent that i deserve this?

can i die now? T^T
why do i have to ask, i'm worthless anyway..

i don't know how i really feel by now~

*sigh*
because of too much pretension,
and the absence of a private place..
i haven't released all my stress, pain and worries.
i haven't had time to reflect on my life since i-don't-know-when.
i can't even tell when i am really happy or what.
i really did what i promised him myself.

i remember when i said:
"and from now on
i am to put up my biggest face of lies--
to show no care, no feelings, no love.."

i did it. i am doing it~
but i'm not sure if i'm happy that i did what i promised.
coz i don't know how i'm really feeling right now.
it's like i have given myself layers and layers of masks.
a happy mask, a strong mask--

but underneath it all, i am sure i am in pain.
but i guess i've been swimming in my own blood for so long
i have grown to be numb.

*currently playing on my background: before i let you go*
DAMN~


PS: imma have to cut this for now.
i have to go to that nude session i was talking about on my last post.

don't strip, i'm SO not yet ready for this~

HONESTLY, i'm so not ready..
**before you all guys start thinking of something else,
imma clear it all out for you guys..

i am referring to my upcoming nude session for anatomy class.
and our model will be male this 25jan & a female model on feb1st

*DAMN~
so not ready, really xP

my friends said i should start watching porn.
or atleast try looking for nude anatomy pictures
so i get used to seeing one. *eep~

OH NO~
my innocence is being stripped away from me.
i can't let this happen--but i've got no choice.

what am i to do?
how am i supposed to draw a naked body
if i can't even imagine how i'll look and study his features?
oh* i'm so weak.

i don't want my brains be corrupted but
i have to prepare. but how? it's too late.