“The
Ring”
acrylic
on canvas
2o” x 24”
Still life—I didn't know what to
paint. And it took me quite some time to finally come up with a subject. My ring. During the approval of our
studies and references; almost everyone else brought pictures of kitchen wares,
fruits, vegetables, and everyday stuff which all seemed meaningless to me. And
being true to myself, I could never paint something I don’t feel like doing. I always
wanted to have a different take, and tackle on such things with my heart.
On the day of submission of our
entries for the still life exhibit, I came in late. And most of my friends were
curious of what I have painted. Their works were all displayed around the room,
colorful and realistic, I felt a bit belittled,
but I shook it off. I was proud of my work; it was something I created because I
wanted to, because it meant a lot for me, and not just for the sake of the
subject. As one classmate unwrapped my work, I watched their faces went from
surprised to confused. What was she
thinking? And that was what most of their facial expressions said. But to
some, they were amazed. It was something
new, especially coming from me.
It was a grayscale painting of my
ring, sitting on an almost empty table. I used acrylic paint. It was that time
of my life when I got to like using this medium. The painting screamed of Paine’s Grey and
White, no more, no less. It was of my choice to not add in any color, it was
what I felt like doing. The strokes were huge and rough, like big raindrops, as what my 3 year-old nephew said. My ring, that very specific ring I wore
almost every day, was a sign of loyalty, of a promise of love. But it was not
mine to wear originally—it was of my mom’s.
But, things happened, promises were broken, the tie was put to a test,
and fortunately, the family survived. So
I wore this ring, this very specific ring, every single day of my life. To
remind me to be loyal, to be true to my words, to keep every promise I make and
to stand for what I believe in, always. And these are the reasons why I chose
to paint it for that Still Life Exhibit last 29th of February this
year.
During the exhibit day, as I have
expected, most of their paintings looked all alike to me. And sadly, most felt
empty. Yes, some were rendered beautifully; some were even close to life. But,
I felt nothing, it all seemed like they did it only for the sake of the
exhibit, of the subject—like it was nothing more than a mere finals
requirement. And then, there were them few that touched me, especially one from
a special friend. Unbiased, I am, I studied his painting. It was a diptych that
seemed like the table from the last supper without the people and Jesus though,
and it showed how the human brain works. The
logical and the abstract. It was astonishing, how the artist presented the
brain’s processing capability. Against the norm, I already placed my bet that his
entry was going to place, but I guess my presumption was right. Most of the
faculty had the same take on art. So the winners works looked all the same in
my eyes.
And
I was disappointed,
Not
because my entry lost,
But
because,
The
judges wore the same glasses.
“Survival
Tip #6: Play Dead”
acrylic
on canvas
2’
x 3’
To survive, blend in. It was my
motto. *emphasis on the WAS* I believed that in order to survive, I had to stay
away from the spotlight and never stand out from the crowd. And so I survived,
barely. When I entered college, I wanted to keep the same status, a ghost
student; unseen and unnoticed. And yet, my personality came through, and in the
end, amongst the commoners in the business building of my previous school, I
stood out. And it made me happier. *not that I liked the attention, no, of
course not* But it made me realize, I should never be afraid of how people
would see me, nor fear what they would think of me. What matters is that I stay
true to myself, and I will be happy. So when I got to FEU, I let all of myself
out.
I was never fond of painting, nor
did I dream of joining a nation-wide competition such as Shell’s National
Student’s Art Competition. But, with one push, I was inspired to join this year.
It was my first, so I scrambled on what to paint, again. Yet, I have always had
this haunting idea of my false belief from the past. And this, is what I came
up with.
A cat-like human, looking and staring
at a vibrant goldfish who is pretending to be dead inside a line drawing of a
fish bowl on top of a table. At the background are line drawings of other
fishes, dead, hanging from a clothes line and two cats. Rough strokes and
edges, line drawings of random figures which creates an unfinished feel.
People are so afraid of being
criticized, of being judged, of being looked at differently. So most of us tend
to conceal ourselves and blend in with the crowd without respect to our own
beliefs. We enclosed ourselves to this fear forbidding us to live life. And why is that? Why do we fear so much of
what others think? I have been in that position, and it felt like I’m not
living. So I decided to put it in canvas, to inspire people to be themselves.
This was not my usual style; it was
my first to actually create a work of art with this approach. I was not even
surprised that my mom and my siblings were disappointed when they saw it. They
thought I have made a complete joke of myself painting something like it for a
national competition. And yet, to my surprise, for me, it was liberating. That
very day, I submitted my work, I was not counting on winning (and yes, I
didn’t) but I was happy to have created this piece, My friends, when they saw
it, they were dumbfounded. It was something they never thought I would paint.
They thought it was too weird, too symbolic, and too random. But I was okay
with it, it was their opinion, they have the right for it. It was the reaction I have anticipated. I
mean, coming from people who have seen my previous works, they would really be
shocked. And in my imagination, I knew what the others reactions were as well.
It was something ugly, something out of taste, something that is not the
“winning piece” and yet it didn’t matter.
I have seen some other entries, and
some were the works I have already expected. They were cheesy in a way that
they created pieces that were “patriotic” or political, or something that says
“it’s more fun in the Philippines”. And I wondered, what the judges were really
looking for. I saw a friend’s work, someone I have watched always. It was a
huge canvas, with lines of different colors at the bottom, rising was a snail.
It was 3D--it was a snail climbing its way up. And I was astonished. I saw what
he wanted to show, I heard what he wanted to say. It was showcasing man’s hard
work, the perseverance. And it made me admire how this artist translates his
ideas to canvas more than ever. And to me, it was a winning piece.
As
for my work, what’s important is that I do what I want. And whenever I do
something, I give it my all. I always tell myself, “I don’t do things
half-hearted.”
Whether
i was painting for a competition,
Or
out of hobby, or boredom,
I
will do what I want, regardless of what others think.
Because
I know in the end,
What’s
important is being myself.
