cat got my tongue

and again,
i accidentally bit my already weird tongue
while eating my cold breakfast.

i examined it and a teeny bit part was cut off again
(probably a a fungiform papillae--which contains an average of six taste buds inside;

good bye taste buds..)

sore and swollen right now.

r e s t r a i n e d ?

today, i got my retainers.
can't tell if m'missing 's' or there's an excess, hah.
and right now, m'supposed to work on my thesis.

but here i am
writing nonsense.

or is it really?

i feel like eggrolling the night away.
maybe it's because i saw her, finally.
and i was caught off guard.
somehow, i can't get it off o'my head.

(did i mention how pretty she is?
she is..indeed..very pretty)


i remembered something that happened earlier this month.

i remembered.
and i remembered how i felt.
unsure of what i really felt.
was i really blank? or was i feeling everything all at once.
i can't really tell it then~ and so can't i now.


so why am i writing?
he is asleep, my love is asleep,
and i didn't want to be keeping him up with all these nonsense in my head.

but seriously, what are the things keeping me up.
keeping me unproductive.

1.

pain, that's a big one.

physical, yes, my teeth are torturing me.

and my tongue is feeling quite restless,

..which is weird, and not to mention very annoying.

2-3.

nervous and uneasy, why?

thesis, defense, personal matters and what not.

4.

craving.

oh yes, i am craving. for things. for food.

for warmth; for a hug.

5-infinity.

paranoia. low self-esteem. lack of confidence. 

oh my insecurities, why do you resurface now?

(although, sometimes, he'd reassure me, so i wouldn't feel like this.

if only he would, every now and then, m'sure it'll help me. long-term wise)

*sigh* affirmation.

ash: then why don't you tell him that?! why can't we tell him that?

aya: because i think it's not in his nature. because m'afraid of what'll happen again.
you remember what happened the last time we spoke our mind.
we lost it. we lost it. and we threw a punch or two in the wall (or three.)

aya & ash: *sigh*

anyway. i guess there's not much to say now.

END

another random post

but before i start, i would just like to say.

that the title of the post before this, has nothing to do with the post itself.

i don't know why it came out like that--i was writing through blacksheep.

(blacksheep is my phone)

anyway, i am working on my vismer plate,

waiting for the paint to dry.

i can't help but watch how mawron sleeps next to me.

i can't wait to watch how he'll look like when he sleeps next to me.

2 1 9 o days

1. 
   

this a very random post.

i just want him know how much

i love him.

and i will hold his hand

whatever happens.

and i promise not to give up.

because i can't, just can't.