i don't know how i really feel by now~

*sigh*
because of too much pretension,
and the absence of a private place..
i haven't released all my stress, pain and worries.
i haven't had time to reflect on my life since i-don't-know-when.
i can't even tell when i am really happy or what.
i really did what i promised him myself.

i remember when i said:
"and from now on
i am to put up my biggest face of lies--
to show no care, no feelings, no love.."

i did it. i am doing it~
but i'm not sure if i'm happy that i did what i promised.
coz i don't know how i'm really feeling right now.
it's like i have given myself layers and layers of masks.
a happy mask, a strong mask--

but underneath it all, i am sure i am in pain.
but i guess i've been swimming in my own blood for so long
i have grown to be numb.

*currently playing on my background: before i let you go*
DAMN~


PS: imma have to cut this for now.
i have to go to that nude session i was talking about on my last post.