graduation picture, emotional torture

i guess i've never told you, about it.

YES,

i take pictures of myself. 
but not as much as others do--not  even close!

but NO.

i hate having my picture taken.

especially the MANDATORY ones.

like this.

oh graduation picture.

why mom wouldn't just let me off the hook?

at the very last minute,
i asked mom if she really wanted me to have
my grad pic taken.
*sigh*

2:00pm
love and i were at relans.

we didn't wait long.
he was approached first~
i waited for a little bit.
they changed my clothes.

i sat infront of the mirror,
removed my piercings one by one.
my hands were trembling a bit.

he started working on my face.
every stroke of brush, every pat of powder
felt heavier on my face.
my hands were tied, and so were my insides.

...

the next thing i know,
i was infront of the camera.
*light flashes strong*
i was blinded every after shot.
(yes, i hate flash)

i don't know how to smile.
my back would arch every after shot.
i couldn't even stay put.

it was an emotional torture.
just as i thought.

UGH.

...

i sat waiting for love.
my hands were clenched on my phone.
all sweaty and itchy.

i felt bad. i felt worse.
i felt like crying.

and as if it wasn't worse already,
a guy from another couch made a snide comment
to his friend.
about wasting the money already paid
for not taking a concept photo.
he even pointed at me!

SERIOUSLY?!
what does he know about me?!
what right does he have to judge me?!
that money isn't even worth the torture i felt.
and would feel if i had another photo taken.

UGH~

m'just glad love was there.

whenever i remember it though,

i still feel like crying.

i feel like i was raped.

UGH~