"it felt like the jeep came to a sudden stop
and made me hit my head on some metal bars.
and as if it wasn't painful enough,
the ride's roof fell on my head cracking my skull open--releasing its emptiness.
and just like another combo attack,
it ended with a marvelous hit coming from a raging truck behind us.
--and i died"
or so i wish.
i was cut by every word. with laughing intervals
and notes of joy.
they we're both giddy about the topic.
i painted my happy mask
trying to conceal the anguish on my face.
did i do well?
i wish i did as i burned in hell.
the subdivision came in sight.
it felt like an empty heaven--a place to hide.
as a friend and i got off the jeep.
he stabbed me with a joke.
i tried to laugh it out.
but it sounded like a cough.
(i even imagined blood spurting out my mouth.. )
when i got home,
i felt empty. tonight was overwhelmingly killing me.
i knew it--that's why i feared happiness.
'cause i knew, in an instant,
reality will slap me in the face.
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